I’ve made a couple of jokes about being the invisible woman. I’ll even go so far as to say that if I lived in the Twilight World and became a vampire, I’d probably be the most dangerous of all because (if you’ve read the books) the hint of a super power while human becomes extreme once turned. Imagine a predator able to turn invisible, huh?
I’m betting you want to know what I mean by invisible, right? I mean, I’m able to fade from notice. It’s not nearly as cool as it sounds. Usually, when I go out I’m not alone — I have two little boys with vocabularies equal to that of college students. They draw attention to me. Add to that that one of them sings constantly and well, and the other seems determined to quiz everyone he meets with math questions — then I’m anything but invisible. But alone, people run into me with shopping carts. Today, I almost got hit by a car.
I’m not entirely sure what causes this phenomenon. I do know that I walk softly and I can’t even tell you why. In certain books, you read about people developing a soft walk for a reason, like the reference to Gale’s “velvet tread” in the “Hunger Games”. Gale and Katniss learned to walk softly for hunting. I don’t live in post-apocolypse and I don’t hunt. I might have learned that from trying to sneak up on my mother, who always knew when we were there. When dad wasn’t around, my mother was a pretty playful mom who would joke about it and challenge us to sneak up on her. it was hard to do.
It isn’t just the soft walk though. I’ve actually stood at a checkout counter while the clerk talked to his girlfriend or wife on the phone. I was privy to a pretty private conversation, and until I drummed my fingers and cleared my throat, he looked right through me. I’m somehow like the nose on your face. You do see your nose, but your brain disregards that information and looks around. If you have a nose like Jamie Farr, that is still true, and just like that, even when I’m wearing bright red (which I do a lot because it is my favorite color), I go unnoticed. I had a very abusive father and I think maybe I wished to be invisible when he was on his rampages so much that I somehow developed the ability to fade into the background.
So I spent the day without the kids, shopping. Today I was hit by six shopping carts, had three people bodily walk into me, and as stated earlier, was almost hit by a car while walking across a cross walk. I was sitting here a moment ago, trying to figure out why my legs hurt so much. I finally went to the bathroom to look and I’m sporting a couple of big honking bruises. For the record, an invisible vampire might feel real badass, but as this invisible woman is merely human, I’m feeling kinda picked on. Did you ever see that X-files episode with the djinn. The guys who found her bottle were pretty dumb and one wished to be invisible. He then got hit by a car and remained an invisible corpse. Yeah, that’s me. As a superpower, this one bites.